It's been 5 years I haven't written anything in my blog. You know what fella, I just dyed my hair to red brown, well it really changed my appearance. I actually wanted to have a gold-brown hair, so maybe I'll look like Latina girl, but sadly my first trial of dying hair turns out to be disaster. In the end, I just seek help to hair stylist near my home. He could fixed my hair, but what's done can't be undone. My hair not black anymore, the precious hair color that I've been proud of this whole time. Okay because this time we talked about the precious thing in my life, I will talk about it.
Actually lately I've been losing that sense of precious thing in my life. In the past, I will boast about my black hair, but sadly I don't have it anymore. In the past, I will boast about my degree, university title and major. But now I've graduated from that university, I don't have any title of it anymore. These days, I just don't have anything to boast of, like I realized I actually am nothing without those things. These past years, many things happen in my life. After graduated from university, I was started working and earn money for myself. I went to study abroad for about one year. I broke up with my almost-boyfriend, things just not worked out for both of us. I starting to have romantic relationship (again) with another person, but it's not ended well too. My uncle passed away. This whole things really changed my perspective of life. I came to thinking that maybe I don't want to get married. I don't know what happens to me, but me in the past will look from positive side. I will thought that some things happen for a reason. Sadly the present me can't think of the positive side at all. When something bad happen, I will just think to endure it and live for people around me, my family. I don't know when will I'll get tired of sacrifice thing for people around me. The present me just want to seeking happiness. I think, the most important things are not what people around you thinking, but do you really happy about it? I've once sacrifice my love for some guy because of my friend. In the end, I thought it's really not worth it. Although my friend likes him, she already has boyfriend, so she will choose her boyfriend. My relation with my best friend not ended too bad, but we are not that close anymore. Meanwhile my relation with the guy also over. Sometimes, things that we expect will turns to be "that" way, in reality just turns to be "this" way. My expectation is if I let go the guy, I can maintain my friendship. But sadly, after I let go the guy, I can' befriend with her anymore. Maybe this is the best for the three of us. Well, I've learnt one thing that is you have to make your own happiness is your priority. If you not make your happiness to be priority, then who will be? Although we all still have good relations, but we aren't as close we used to be as if there's this "wall" standing between three of us. Even for me, I still feel like shame, because that guy is a nice guy, he is the nicest guy I've ever been get close to. I hope this will be my lesson to not wasting chance or wasting people that truly care for me. I hope in the future I will stop over thinking of what people said about me. Just trust His timing and His plan.
